There was a time in my marriage when every disagreement felt like a battle—not because we didn’t love each other, but because I was so focused on being “right.”
I remember one evening clearly. We were arguing about how to raise our daughter—should she follow the traditions of my family, or his? Our hearts were in it. We both wanted what was best. But instead of listening, I went into “defend my way” mode. The conversation escalated. The fight began over values—but it ended with both of us drained, wounded, and feeling miles apart.
Then there was the time we argued over something as simple as arriving late to a family gathering. I felt disrespected, like he didn’t care about my time—or my family. He felt pressured, like I was micromanaging him. What started as a comment in the car turned into silence at dinner and tension that lasted for days. And just like that, something so small created a crack that felt so much bigger.
Those moments left me with a stone on my chest. Heavy, oppressive. I’d lie awake, wondering: Why do the small things feel so big? Why do I feel unseen? Why do we distance ourselves from the person we love the most?
Then something shifted. As I began doing the inner work—deepening my relationship with me—I started to see the fights for what they really were: distractions from what truly mattered. I realized they weren’t about who’s right or wrong. They were about needing to feel heard, respected, safe.
So I decided to stop proving. Instead, I began to listen—not to judge or to agree, but to understand. To hold space for my husband’s perspective as valid, even if it wasn’t mine. I reminded myself: he is his own person with his own thoughts and feelings. He had the right to them just as I had the right to mine.
I no longer needed to change him. I needed to accept him—and by accepting him, I allowed myself to soften. In that softening, I found something I didn’t expect: peace, love, and deep happiness. Not perfection. But connection beyond the fights. A sense of freedom.
You Don’t Have to Keep Fighting
If you’re tired of the same exhausting, painful patterns—if your heart longs for relief, for connection, for more softness in your relationship—please know this:
You can find peace too.
This isn’t about “letting him win” or becoming a doormat. It’s about shifting from fighting for your version of the truth, to longing for the truth of connection: seeing one another, holding space, and embracing imperfection.
If you’re tired of these same fights, know this: you can find that peace too. Let’s talk about how you can get there!